Monday, March 28, 2011

A Productive Weekend

We had an awesome weekend. We actually stayed in MD for a change; caught up with friends, cleaned, ran errands, played with the pup and got to spend most of it together. What more could a girl ask for?!

The weekend didn't start out on such a positive note though. Remember that job I interviewed for last week? The one that I was waiting to hear about the second step for, and was super excited about? Well, I found out Friday afternoon that the company decided to go in a different direction with the position (read: they decided to hire an entry level person for much less money). Needless to say, the news put a damper on my Friday afternoon, and I was worried it would do the same for the entire weekend. B came to the rescue and made sure I wasn't feeling down and out, or so he tried.

I have always struggled a bit with self-confidence. It is probably in direct correlation with how much stock I placed in relationships with boyfriends, and how I let a break up tear me down one too many times. Well, now that I am older and wiser in my relationships, and have married the man of my dreams, that lack of self-confidence has come lurking in the form of "you're not good enough for that job or career." I guess I can understand how that could happen since my meeting last week was so positive to start with. The recruiter felt that I was the perfect person for the job, and I was gearing up to meet my "future" colleagues who just happened to work for a company that is ranked in the top 5 companies to work for my Fortune Magazine. Sounds perfect, right?!

Well, I guess this job was not what God had in mind for me. I have realized that this experience, though negative in outcome, has a silver lining: it helped me to figure out what I think I want to do next as far as the field I want to be in. I have substantial experience in legal recruiting, and have decided that I'd really like to get back into recruiting in some form. I also realized that there is still some action going on in the job market. I have been able to land a few interviews over the last month or so, and it's been reassuring to know that companies are starting to hire again.

All of that being said, it's still a blow to your ego, and a tough one to swallow when you feel like you're so close to getting something that you think you want, and then having it taken away from you as quickly as it was presented. I know that God will answer our prayers, and that I will find something bigger and better. I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason," but know that it can be easier said than done in some circumstances. Do you ever find it hard to just leave your fears at the foot of the cross and leave it all up to Him? I do. And, I'll admit that this is mostly due to my fear of losing control.

So, this week? Sure, I'll continue to job search, network and pray about what's next. But I will also be working on giving up some of the control I think I have, and trying to simply trust that God knows what's next, and he won't lead me astray. A tall task at hand, but an important one at that.

Do any of you struggle in this way in any areas of your life? I hope I'm not alone, and have a feeling that I'm not. Sorry for the rant, but at least I left the serious stuff for Monday, right?!


kim {the non-mom blogger} said...

Ugh, I'm sorry that company is stupid and didn't hire you. Lame-o.

I hate that feeling - like you said - when you REALLY want something, and it's SO's a blow to anyone. Glad you found a way to see the silver lining :)

Cait said...

lammmmme sauce pretty girl :( sorry they didn't see how fabulous you would be for their company but no worries and don't be discouraged- you'll be able to find the 'dream job' asap! you've got friends like us to help you stay motivated along the way! :) xo

Allie said...

I went through the same thing a few weeks ago. I interviewed at my dream job and didn't get the job (I can reapply in 6 months). I felt the same way you did and it helped ease my mind knowing God had a different plan for me. Just because one door closes doesn't mean another one won't open. Keep your head up!

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry to hear about the job. I know it's awful out there right now, but from what I can tell you're willing to stick it out and fight for yourself, and that will come through.

I struggle with feelings of inadequacy all the time. Mostly with my photography, because I can see all my mistakes and then I see all these "perfect" photographers - but I need to remember that they've been there too. Good luck with everything!

Melissa said...

Love you, button. Keep that positive outlook you're known so well for. Ok?!

Jessie Jones said...

Sending happy thoughts your way this week. A door was closed, but you will find that open window, and it will be ten times better. I know from experience on that one! Didn't get a job I thought I'd like, but then I wound up with my dream job. I've got the same hopes for you!

Suze said...

I'm sorry girl, will be praying for you continuously something comes open soon :)


Unknown said...

This is a great post - you really have the right attitude!

God has a great plan for you and it doesn't include this job! You're right - something better is out there for you!!!

Erin said...

That stinks! But take comfort in knowing that they'll get what they pay for - if that means a cheap kid with a fresh undergrad, then FINE. They don't deserve you!

I had something similar happen once - I was passed over for a job I wanted in my firm and it was given to my intern. My INTERN!!! The one I spent a whole year training! But he was cheaper :)

Jillian said...

I'm sorry:( I'll pray the right job comes along for you!

Raven said...

I absolutely can relate, 100%. Especially when it's something that I was so looking forward to, so hyped up for, and like you and the job situation, KNEW I would be a perfect fit for. It is SO disappointing, but I always always come back to, "God has a reason for everything" I know some people think that is so "cliche" but it absolutely is not. He really does have a plan! And no matter what I think or want, I know his plan is better than mine! Your perfect job will come, and then you will look back and know exactly why you didn't get this particular one.

And no need for you to feel insecure, at least when it comes to the looks department. You are one gorgeous girl!!