Hey .... remember me? Maybe?
I wish I had some fabulous story about why I have been totally MIA lately. Truth is, I have just been living. Sure, we went on vacation for two weeks (more to come on that another day), and we've been working out at Stroller Strides and running errands with the best of 'em, but mostly our days have been filled with bottles, nap times, cooking meals, washing laundry and meeting work deadlines. You know, the usual.
I think I just needed the break. Mostly for myself. So I can be a better Mom and spend time playing with Gavin on the floor for an hour and not have that pit of guilt in my stomach that there are 5,674 things I should be doing instead. I didn't put limits or time frames on this 'break,' I just let myself do it.
I've been missing it. I've been thinking of writing topics and making sure to sit down and save the ideas in Blogger before they're gone. But, I'm still working on making the most of my down time each day. Some days it's just not possible to sit down and write, and that's OK. I need to allow myself to leave things unfinished and be satisfied. But, this is our space, and I want to share about our life and how much Gavin is growing and changing. We are so proud. Our home is filled with squeals of laughter and lots of kisses. I just love it.
Motherhood has done an absolute number on me. It has caused me to be much more introspective than ever before. It has shown me both the best and worst parts of myself. And mostly, it has humbled me. My needs are not as important as I once thought they were. I have so. much. respect. for all the Mom's. What a challenging, thankless, worrisome, rewarding, fulfilling, joyful and IMPORTANT job we have been given! Molding little people's minds and lives, and carefully making each decision for them long before they can choose for themselves.
And I realized, "wow, this love I have for Gavin, is the same love my parent have for me, and is just a drop in the bucket of love that God has for each member of my family." Just mind blowing.
I'm not perfect. Every day there are things I wish I had done differently, or opportunities I miss. And I have fallen victim to the guilt game more times than I can count. So much that I've decided that what I want he most is to be the best version of myself that I can be. To pray every day that I can strive towards that goal each morning when I start the day.
I pray for ...
More patience (in so many ways).
The right words to share my love with each member of my family.
The motivation to prepare a hot, home cooked meal for my family at least a few nights per week.
The wisdom to make the right choices for my son.
The mindset to start each day with my priorities in the right order.
The calmness of heart to leave the kitchen dirty and the laundry undone if it means I get to play with Gavin or snuggle on the couch with my hubby and a good glass of wine.
I could go on and on, but I think that's a good place to start.